Ashamed
by Spider06
Summary: A songfic from Gordo's P.O.V.. Everything is going great for him but one mistake could change everything.


Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters or the song "Ashamed" by Tommy Lee. I do own the story line.  
  
This story is in Gordo's P.O.V. And all the characters are in High School.  
  
Now let the story begin.  
*~*~*~**~*~**~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Claire, don't go! It was innocent; I wasn't cheating on you. I swear!" I yell after Claire.  
  
"Fuck you, Gordo!" Claire yells back. That is when I realized I had lost her. I wasn't sad, though. At my school I was known as "Gordo the Worm". I've never figured it out what it meant. Girls must compare me to a worm because I've broken all their hearts. Most of them have been one night stands. My motto is "Milk the cow, then kill it." My best friend, Kate says it's a little harsh, but Ethan likes it. I use to be friends with Miranda and Lizzie, but that all ended in high school. We all started hanging out in different crowds. Miranda became a slut and Lizzie and I became popular. But two different kinds of popular. I was because of my looks and Lizzie became a cheerleader.  
  
Claire and I had been together for about 2 weeks. We had an on again, off again relationship. Frequently it had been mostly off. Claire wanted to stay popular, so she went out with me. And I went out with her because she was fun to sleep with. Nothing much to our relationship.  
  
I hate to show my feelings, but sometimes I wish I could have a real girlfriend. Liked I dreamed about in middle school. I dreamed about Lizzie. I still wonder what it would be like to fuck her, since she's the only girl, practically, that I haven't slept with. She's offered herself to me at parties. I never accept; I don't think I could hurt the girl.  
  
~I fell alone... I feel like I could die I feel alone... I feel like I could die... tonight Carry on carry on~  
*At Kate's house (Party)*  
  
I walk into the living room and watch some kids make-out. Who am I going to sleep with tonight? Probably Kate or Claire if she's not mad at me anymore. Ethan and Kate come running up to me.  
  
"We already found you a lady," Ethan yells. Anyone could tell that he was already drunk.  
  
"Yeah," Kate continues, "I even let you guys have my parents bedroom."  
  
"Ok. Who is it?" I ask.  
  
"It's a surprise," Kate says. She gives me a little push towards the stairs. I know my way around the house, so it is easy for me to find the room. I walk right in and see Lizzie laying on the bed.  
  
"Lizzie?" I say astonished.  
  
"Yeah," she answers.  
  
"I can't do this," I tell her.  
  
"And why not?" she asks. Lizzie comes up and begins to unbutton my shirt.  
  
"Lizzie, no." Lizzie begins to kiss me, now. I try to pull away, but the stuff they teach us in health gets the best of me. I let Lizzie slide her tongue into my mouth.  
  
The next thing I knew was the dirty deed was done, and we were laying on Kate's parent's bed. Lizzie as asleep, so I decide to leave. I knew that the next time we spoke, it would be embarrassing, so I left.  
  
I begin to close the door, but Lizzie wakes up.  
  
"Gordo," she asks, "what happened to me?" There was panic in her eyes.  
  
"Well, we slept together," I tell her.  
  
"You fucked me?!" she yells, "I lost my virginity to you? NO, NO, NO!!" Tears begin to pour down Lizzie's face. I feel the urge to comfort her like I did in 8th grade. I wanted to hold her, but I didn't. My love for her was in the past. She was just like all the other girls. I try to believe this.  
  
"No, no, no!" Lizzie kept saying.  
  
"Lizzie."  
  
"Get the hell away form me!"  
  
"Lizzie, I didn't rape you. You offered yourself to me."  
  
"I know," she says quietly. I decide this was a good time to leave.  
  
~Don't feel ashamed... don't feel ashamed I rather it be this way  
  
You're not to blame you're not to blame Don't feel ashamed~  
  
*The next night at a different party, at Ethan's house*  
  
"So, how was Lizzie?" Ethan asked me.  
  
"Ok, for a beginner." Trying to avoid the subject, I say, "She's part of the past, Ethan. Lets talk about something else."  
  
"Ok. Feel like getting laid tonight?"  
  
"Hell yeah! I'm single and I'm free!" I yell.  
  
~I'm getting close... To the other side Just close the door I'll leave the past behind me Can you see my pride It's only one step away from Freedom... Freedom~  
  
I see Lizzie, watch me leave the room with a drunken Kate. It hurt me to see the tears fall down Lizzie's face. I had fucked Miranda before and it didn't bother me. Why was everything so different with Lizzie?  
  
~I feel I can fly anywhere with anyone~  
  
*1 month later at school*  
  
"Lizzie told me to give this to you," Kate says.  
  
"Thanks." I grab the note and walk down the hall to my next class. I almost faint when I see what it read....  
  
~Dear Gordo, I have terrible news that deeply involves you. I wish I could write it on paper. This is news, though, that I must tell you in person. Please meet me at the bleachers during your 5th period.  
  
Lizzie~  
  
I better go down to the bleachers. I wonder what could be so serious?  
I see Lizzie on one of the middle bleachers. Her face is tear stained, and it frightens me. I wave at Lizzie and walk over to her.  
  
"What's the problem, Lizzie?" I ask trying to sound cool, even though my voice is cracking.  
  
"Gordo, I went to the doctor yesterday..." She starts to cry, again.  
  
"What is it, Lizzie?"  
  
"I'm pregnant." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My best friend from childhood was carrying my baby. What could I do? What could I think?  
  
Lizzie began to stammer, "It was all my fault. I shouldn't have gotten drunk, and none of this would have happened."  
  
"Lizzie, it's not your fault." Tears fall down both our faces but I don't care.  
  
~Don't feel ashamed  
  
I rather it be this way  
  
You're not to blame  
  
Don't feel ashamed  
  
Don't feel ashamed  
  
I rather it be this way  
  
You're not to blame  
  
Don't feel ashamed~  
  
"Lizzie, I'll forget about my past. And stick by you forever."  
  
~I love you baby... so don't you feel ashamed!!~  
This was a song fic so I don't know if I want to finish it or not. Please review. 


End file.
